Annie Halloran, 27, from Gold Coast, QLD, lost her little brother, Thomas, to suicide in 2022. She participated in The Push-Up Challenge in 2022 as part of her mission to facilitate conversations around mental health.
Here, she tells us what she would say to others who find themselves in a dark place, and how she and her family are channelling their grief into raising awareness, and hopefully preventing another family from losing a loved one to suicide.
You lost your brother, Thomas, to suicide two years ago. Were you and your family aware that Thomas was struggling with his mental health?
We lost my little brother, Thomas, to suicide in April 2022. It came as quite a shock to us.
We didn't know he was struggling, which is the reason that causes like The Push-Up Challenge and instigating the conversation surrounding suicide and de-stigmatising mental health challenges is so important to my mum, dad and myself.
My family and I are trying to get Thomas's name out there as much as possible, in the hopes that his story helps even just one person.
How did losing Tom affect your own mental health?
Losing Tom, my little brother and my best friend, absolutely affected my mental health. I think a way of dealing with this grief has been to focus on trying to prevent this from happening to the next person. The past two years have been more about taking each day as it comes, and understanding that healing in a journey like this isn't necessarily linear either.
Tom was an incredible person who had a very wide reach of friends across the globe, and because of that, we are very grateful to have always had people checking in. My mental health was affected, but I think because of the group of people that were grieving for Tom, we all shared the love around and reminisced on the happy times we had with Tom.
I think throughout this process I have also learnt that people may be afraid to reach out to check in on those who are grieving in fear of upsetting them or bringing up bad memories… However, the most meaningful interactions I’ve had since losing Tom have been from friends and family who not only ask how I am coping, but also give me the opportunity to talk and reminisce about Tom (big love to you all).
Tom was in the Defence Force, do you feel like there was stigma around mental health struggles in that kind of environment?
I think it's definitely something individuals within the Defence Force are trying to improve. Since everything happened with Tom, it's something my parents and I have tried to push, in terms of making sure there are mental health check-ups with people that are in the Army, especially people who are more remote - my brother was based in Darwin, so it's quite an isolated area.
I think there has been, and continues to be, a stigma surrounding mental health, but I think that Tom taking his life, and most recruits knowing someone that has taken their life, makes people more aware. Sadly, I still think there's a stigma.
Is that one of the main things that you and your family are working towards by sharing Tom's story, to help make that process of help-seeking easier?
Absolutely. My parents and I went forward and made statements to the Royal Commission into Defence and Veteran Suicide.
There are small changes being made. Now when you go on base in Darwin, there's R U OK? messaging and scan barcodes in the toilet stalls, little things that might just help that one person.
We are rallying forces and hoping to change the bigger picture, but that’s not to say that the small changes aren’t just as important. We are always looking for more opportunities to spread the word and advocate change.
Do you feel that you're honouring Tom’s memory by seeing these changes start happening?
I hope so. People deal with trauma in different ways, and I think for us we've definitely gone in the direction of, ‘Right, well, how can we help, or stop this happening to the next person?’ So it's definitely given us drive to keep going, which in turn has helped us keep the memory of Tom going.
I read a saying once that someone dies two deaths if you don't keep their stories and name alive. Any action or initiative that we can get involved in where we're trying to de-stigmatise conversations surrounding mental health and get the conversation going is important to what my family's doing and in keeping Toms memory alive.
No one knew Tom was struggling. So a lot of us have had to sit with that. Everyone has thoughts of, ‘What could I have done differently? What could I have done better?’ Then the conversation turns to, what could we do for the next person, so that we're not having another Tom lost in the community?
Why did you decide to sign up to The Push-Up Challenge?
I did the Push-Up Challenge last year, and we managed to raise a couple thousand dollars, which is awesome. Being able to take part in something with other people that will instigate that conversation was really important to us.
How did participating in The Push-Up Challenge support your own mental health?
I think The Push-Up Challenge was one of the best things I could have done for myself through this process, to be honest. Not only the mental benefits of when you exercise, but also the community you guys have created.
It was a really nice way for me to be able to promote conversations around mental health without feeling like I'm the only person in Australia doing this – being a part of a community that is pushing for better and getting the word out there.
It was 100% one of the best things I've done in terms of helping my grief process.
Having this challenge as a framework for getting the message out really helped. The resource packs and everything that you guys provided was just so well done. I just love what you have created.
How would you like Tom to be remembered?
As a cheeky, fun-loving spirit. He's just one of those people where life was never too big for him. He would be the first to jump up at an opportunity or the first person to go, ‘Right, let's do something crazy today.’ He just really took life by the horns.
And that's how I now try and look at life too. Just get out there and do it - just go skydiving, go scuba diving, go to that concert, give your family and friends that hug – tell them you love them. Just enjoy it.
It's been a while since I've had a conversation about Thomas. It's been nice to talk about him again.
If you could share a final message around mental health with our community, what would that be?
Just that you are never, ever alone. Don't ever hesitate to reach out to those who you love when you're struggling, because they would much rather be here to see tomorrow with you than without you.
